He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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