so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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