Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
