i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
