We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
