Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
