I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
