My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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