he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
