I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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