So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
