yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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