My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
