just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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