what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
