Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
