only you would photoshop your dick
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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