just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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