She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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