When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
