Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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