On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
