sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
