yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
