wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
