Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
