I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
