dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
