My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
