i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
