Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
