batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
