yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
