i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
