o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
