fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
smell my finger.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
