I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
