Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
