I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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