I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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