i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You're a waste of cheezeits
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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