I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
