Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
