that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
