when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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