evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
