They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
