I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well you can't waste a boner
operation have a gay friend backfired
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
