he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
