Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
